Week 486 CLIII: A Word From Our Co-Sponsors


The Pearce-Franks-Pryor-Burns Act to require proper hot dog placement on rotisserie spits.

Alexander, Alexander, Ballance, Barrett, Beauprez, Bell, Bishop, Bishop, Blackburn, Bonner, Bordallo, Bradley, Brown-Waite, Burgess, Burns, Cardoza, Carter, Chambliss, Chocola, Cole, Coleman, Cooper, Cornyn, Davis, Davis, Diaz-Balart, Dole, Emanuel, Feeney, Franks, Garrett, Gerlach, Gingrey, Graham, Grijalva, Harris, Hensarling, Janklow, King, Kline, Lautenberg, Majette, Marshall, McCotter, Meek, Michaud, Miller, Miller, Murphy, Musgrave, Nunes, Pearce, Porter, Pryor, Renzi, Rogers, Ruppersberger, Ryan, Sanchez, Scott, Sununu, Talent, Turner, Van Hollen.

This Week's Contest: Above are the last names of the new members of Congress who will be taking their seats next month. Come up with bills they might sponsor, as in the example illustrated above. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. (Choose your words carefully; similar ideas will be judged based on the best explanation of the purpose of the bill.) First-prize winner gets a genuine vintage "Acquit Bernhard Goetz" T-shirt.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 6. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.

Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is byStephen Dudzik of Olney.

Report from Week CXLIX (482), in which we asked what these gadgets are for:

Third Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) The "spork" proved much more popular an invention than this short-lived "knoon." (Marc Leibert, New York)

Second Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) Silverware for "Gaff Your Own Seafood Night." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

First Runner-Up: (Cartoon F) A Don Rickles mask. This is a birth control device. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

And the winner of the vintage "I Love Lucy" clock and matching coffee mug: (Cartoon F)

 Ronco's new Bed Head, which talks to women after sex, so you don't have to. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Honorable Mentions:

Cartoon A:

A yo-yo from the Neiman Marcus holiday catalogue. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Dental Chair Bowling was passed over as an Olympic sport because of the unwieldy ball return.  (Daniel Helming, Maplewood, N.J.)

A beach bunny lure.  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Cartoon C:

Other companies may feature smaller units and cheaper plans, but the Matterhorn® Wireless definitely offers the most peak minutes.  (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Used only once, with disastrous results: the Sonny Bono Phone.  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

A Norwegian car phone.  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

That final slide into technological oblivion.  (Pete Hughes, Alexandria)

Cartoon D:

Some cell phone companies are trying desperate design modifications to reduce "roaming" charges.  (Milo Sauer, Fairfax; Stephen Fahey, Kensington; Charlene Talcott, Williamsburg)

Early prototype of a mobile phone.  (Bruce Johnson, Annapolis)

Cartoon E:

IRS agent uses latest technology to try to get blood out of a stone.  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Cartoon F:  

For when you don't want to get out of bed to go to the head.  (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

It never fails. You sleep with a guy, and then he starts playing head games. (Paul Dudley, Ellicott City)

Cartoon G:

Countless inferior designs preceded the invention of the colostomy bag.  (Milo Sauer, Fairfax; Nancy Marmorella, Charles Town, W.Va.)

In France, instead of Beer Man, there is Bouillabaisse Man.  (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Pay-per-hand-wash, so they can now charge for absolutely everything at sporting events.  (Beth Davidson, St. Louis)

Next Week: The Grin Reaper